It has been months since I have blogged for multiple reasons. I decided to take the summer off to practice what I preach and be present with my kids. But I've also found myself struggling with blogging at all. Honestly, I don't read that many blogs. But there are a couple I loosely follow mainly through Instagram. One is another parenting blog which has been bugging me lately. Not that someone else is writing about parenting but more what they are saying.
I've found myself being super judgmental. "How can they tell me what to do with my kids?" "Sure that works for their family but their family sounds way more introverted and quiet than my family." "How can they say this way of parenting works when their oldest isn't even 8 years old yet?" On and on my judgmental thoughts have gone. "If I really think those thoughts then what are people thinking about my blog? What am I doing writing about parenting? Who am I to give anyone advice? And who really cares or takes the time to read it anyway?"
One of the things that I know I desire is to be known. And one of the tricks with social media is that we can present a picture that is only partially true. That, and our busy lives can make being known hard. Are we doing the right thing? Are we enough? Are we lovable? Add that on top of raising these little humans and there are even more fears/insecurities. There is this belief/fear that our kids represent who we are and how we are doing. So we get competitive with other moms/parents about our amazing kids. This in turn makes it harder to be vulnerable, to be known.
My blogging began just as a way to vocalize some of my experiences in parenting and in life. It wasn't to tell people what to do or to present a picture of a perfect family. Shoot, I've called my son's friends a'holes to their face. I've got a kid in counseling and another kid going through tests to figure out why reading is so hard. I'm making stuff up as I go. But I still have a desire to write. To vocalize life as a western middle class white mom. And to continue to be vulnerable to my kids, my friends and myself. To be known. That is why I wrote a book and this blog. That is why I trained as a DISC/Motivator coach and worked as a dependency attorney. To be able to hear people's stories. To advocate. To say you matter. Your story matters.
Maybe that is why this last week has been so hard. To have people say your voice doesn't matter. Or maybe it is hard because I watched someone in power get kicked. And out came anger, and hate. And he got kicked because people started to expose another side to him. A side that he tried to downplay, potentially even lie about it. We don't want to believe that these powerful people can have a public and a private life that doesn't match. Putting my political beliefs aside, having a man who throws this kind of tantrum, is willing to throw other people under the bus to save his name and lie about his own past, sitting on the Supreme Court is like a punch to the gut. But that is my opinion and obviously other people don't agree with it.
Really we are all so different and what motivates us and encourages us is so different. My question is can I be myself, and you be yourself, and others be different and yet we still learn to love each other? So if any of that interests you, you can subscribe to my blog or not. Buy my book, or not. I can coach you through the DISC/MOTIVATOR tests, or not. But at this point I think I have to press on. Keep writing. Keep attempting to be the same person online as I am in person. Keep being vulnerable and keep loving people I disagree with.